Reason To Believe

I need a reason. A reason to believe that my existence is not merely a mistake by my parents. I felt as if I'm born as a burden to them, and most of the time I can't even help myself in sticky situations. People looked up to me as a person with felicity, happy-go-lucky attitude that seems to be joyful, problem-free all the time. What they don't realise is, they are only judging a book by it's cover. They've failed to uncover a hidden truth of this poor soul, hiding behind a porcelain mask, keeping everything to himself. I'm still trying to be strong, even though I've heard all kinds of traducements from friends & relatives. I'm sick & tired of concealing my feelings & thoughts. But the thing is, even if I let them out, nobody is willing to listen. Lately, I'm starting to be unable to concentrate on things that I'm doing. My mind is shambolic, and it is observable especially when I'm revising. A two-hour revision period can be turned into a two-hour nap instead. If some of you guys are suggesting that I should not let my own emotions affect my determination, indeed, I believe that the opposite is happening now, & there is nothing I can do about it. Yes, nothing. It's not easy leading an unhealthy life like mine, with loneliness & sadness lingering around me at the same time.

Memories... the most precious possesion of mine.. No, I'm not haunted by my memories. In fact, memories are one of the most important elements that kept me alive till now. I'm feeding on the happiest moments that I've been through in my life, where friends & family played big roles in giving me those jolly portion of time. Perhaps the most pleasant experience that I've had in my life was to be with her. Although we're not together for long, memories from that brief relationship that we had are enough to keep me working, looking ahead for another decade. I'll be grateful if someone understand what I'm trying to say & is willing to lend a crying shoulder.

No, this is not a double post. Just a midnight post. I'm suffering from an uber lethargy AND insomnia at night. How great is that? Maybe there's something wrong with the biological clock in my body.. whatever. Reason To Believe, by Dokmai.

-MXV-