Disappointment

Weird title, huh?

For the past 3 years or so, most, if not all of my posts were titled according to the songs in my playlist above. But nah, not this time..

Now, yes.. Disappointment. The word pretty much spoke for itself, no?

1. Came back from Russia, unexpected reasons. Don't ask what, don't ask why. Continuing my studies here, but switched course altogether from Medical Degree to Bachelor in Psychology.

2. Got a part-time job at Kumon as a tutor. It never occurred to me that this very day will ever come where I'll end up teaching Mathematics to secondary school students.

3. A new friend that I made at my new university apparently blocked & deleted me from Facebook, also stopped talking to me. Oh how nice, how hurtful that could be. What have I done, man?

4. A new car, Proton Persona Elegance. (Not sure for how long I'd be owning this car this time.)

5. Bunch of bullshits that happened over the course of 8 months since I'm back till now. (Yes, I've been in Malaysia for almost a year, just don't ask why I never took my time to update this blog.)

6. Moved houses 3 times since I came back till now.

7. Series of bad luck hitting me for the past 2 months, maybe earlier than that. I don't remember, I'm just feeling too miserable to remember when it all started.

More to list, but just can't do it right now. Gotta sleep. Working at 9 AM tomorrow. My next post? Probably after my exams (16th of July) or after my birthday. Things are still gonna be this miserable, I promise.

Don't Stop The Party - Black Eyed Peas.

-MX-

I Remember

I was back in Malaysia for about 3 weeks. Yeah. For those who I didn't manage to contact or meet up with while I was back, I'm sorry. I couldn't blog to announce my return as I couldn't go online. Life pretty much sucked when there's no Internet, but the food & company of friends back there... That pretty much sums up everything. Heh..

Flew with Etihad Airways this time back to Malaysia. The seat configurations were much better than Emirates', & the take offs & landings were silky smooth. One of the best airlines I've took, definitely. It felt good to be home. Home sweet home. Friends everywhere.. Hmm.

Chinese New Year is around the corner. But this year it's simply different; something new for me. Chinese New Year without family members.. And Chinese New Year celebrated at -10'C.. Usually it's somewhere hot for me, but this year it's just cold.. Pure cold.. Not to mention that the Chinese New Year this year fell on the same day as Valentine's.. Oh, my Valentine.. Chinese New Year & Valentine's spent alone in a cold, far away land? That sucks badly.

I'm skipping topics here, feeling completely random. Learned a new Russian proverb from my Chemistry lecturer, which sounded quite true to me.. Чем меньше знаешь, лучше спишь, or translated as 'the less you know, the better you sleep'. Sometimes there are some things that we shouldn't even find out in the first place. These could be agonizing facts, unfair truths, evil plans... They could be anything. From a heart-breaking fact to spoiling a carefully planned surprise, finding out the truth could really bring one all sorts of miseries. And sometimes, it's not worth looking back & wondering why some things are the way they are now... Finding out only amplifies the pain, & by doing so we're being our own silent assassins..

Anyway... Happy Chinese New Year, again.. May ya'll have a prosperous new tiger year.. For those expecting a child anytime this year, wish you have a healthy baby. For those who are having exams, wish you luck in passing with flying colours. For those in a relationship, wish you happiness with the one you love. For those who are striving hard at everything else, I wish you all the best in everything you do. Happy Valentine's Day, to my beloved...

I Remember - deadmau5 feat. Kaskade

-MX-

Stranger In Moscow

Alright.. Reached Moscow, finally. Things are a bit hectic the moment I set foot on the Russian land, with all the immigration & luggage problems. Travelling with heavy luggages around definitely posed a challenge for me.About 70 KGs of luggages in total, with the largest luggage weighing about 40 KGs, 10 KGs in my backpack, about 13 KGs or so in my laptop bag & the rest in a sling pouch.

Day 1

Reached Dubai International Airport at 5:30 A.M. local time, which is 9:30 A.M. Malaysian time. Waited for the next flight at 9:35 A.M., which means I had 4 hours of free time doing nothing, strolling & loitering around the departure point. Yeah, it's boring. Went online & chatted with some of my mates, some friends I made on the flight which I will be seeing very often. Well, what can I say? Dubai, as a land of the wealthy & of pure-bred sports cars, is truly mesmerizing (although a bit hot). The moment we got out of the arrival point, we were greeted by a Lamborghini Gallardo & a Bentley Continental, both parked IN the airport, right in the middle of the duty-free complex. Of course they were impressive & beautiful..

Plane left at 9:43 A.M., delayed by a few minutes due to some late-boarding passengers.

After hours of torturous & painful flight later, we arrived at Moscow Domodedovo Airport at about 3 P.M. local time. No doubt the two flight journeys, from KLIA to Dubai, from Dubai to Moscow were two of the worst, most uncomfortable flying experience that I've ever had in my entire life. The seat layout is designed to maximise the use of every square milimetres of space available, so the size of the seats are comparable to the one found in a 44-seater bus.

Reached my hostel at Konkova at 4:30 P.M., waited till 8 P.M. for them to finally sort out everything & assign me into a room. Yeah, I was sharing my room with 3 roommates, 2 guinea pigs & a dog. No, I'm not kidding about the guinea pigs & dog. The whole room smelled of dog urine & the dog poops around. I complained & got switched into a better room, but with no bed or mattress. Called it a day, slept on the floor.


Day 2

Another busy day. We were brought to the university for some registration to be made at the Foreign Students' Department. It was then I realised that most of the Russians here couldn't speak or understand English. Not the slightest bit. I don't speak fluent Russian either, so it's rather fucked up. Communication problems, yea.

Still feeling a bit unwell from the rush that I had on the day before. Started shopping for food, cooking utensils & all. Cooked quite a sumptuous meal that night, together with Ethan.

Day 5

Sorry, had to skip a few boring days cos I've been doing literally nothing. Anyway, we were brought to shop at Ikea & Mega, a shopping mall much like The Curve & Ikea back in Malaysia. Strolling through the Tesco of furnitures, I found myself standing in front of a bunk bed. Bed on top, table & bookrack below. Sounds & looks good to me, but a bit pricey as it costs nearly 10000 roubles. Pricey, for a student as that converts to about RM 1000+. Still, it's quite an investment in the long run. Saves space. Out of stock, had to wait for roughly a month, so I'm STILL sleeping on the floor. Nah, not that bad. Bought my mattress.

I guess that's all you guys should know about the first few days of my life here in Moscow.

I'm getting into the second week, and things start to get a little bit messy as my university life starts. 9 A.M. to 5 P.M. almost every day except on Monday & Wednesday, where my classes start at 12 P.M. & 10:30 P.M. respectively. I've even experienced being too tired to cook after class that I just don't care, neglected my dinner altogether.


I wonder... How's everyone doing back in Malaysia...? Friends.. Family.. Parents.. Everyone.. And especially you..

Weather forecast for Friday, 2nd of October 2009 : Cloudy, 8°C max, 2°C min. Yes, it's getting very cold here, and the strong wind is worsening the condition..

Anyway..

It's been almost two weeks since I left Malaysia.. How are you? I've been missing you a lot, & your absence is greatly felt.. I can't say that I'm getting used & starting to accept the fact that you're far, far away from me, because it's never okay for me to not have you by my side..

It's our anniversary today. Yet I do not have you right here, right now with me.. Neither would I be hearing, listening to your voice as the clock strucks at precisely 12 A.M... You are angry with me, for I've said some things that have hurt & neglected your feelings.. I'm sorry.. Please forgive me, I did not mean to say what I said, or do what I did..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Through the days I've missed you,
Spent my nights dreaming of you.
Words said are promises made,
6 years shall never be too late,
For each other we shall wait.

You shall always remain the special one,
Replacing you in my heart will be no one.
Thousands of miles seperates us apart,
But nothing shall seperate our heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your love for me will be the fuel of my journey to be a succesful person, but my love for you is everything that defines me as a person..

I know that things didn't start off as wonderful as some other lovers, but I can assure you that I'll work hard to earn what should be a perfect life & a perfect ending for us. This is what I will swear & hold on to, in return for ur willingness to wait for me.

My parents saw you. My cousins saw you. My aunt saw you. And they've all approved your presence in my life. At first, everything was in the right direction, on the right path. But it seems that there are still some unresolved issues that are time-consuming. It sound complicated, but I'm taking this as another challenge to our relationship. A strong & loving bond doesn't come from the heart itself; it comes from the effort & patience of both loving souls.

Happy Anniversary, my dear. This, is my love story. Our story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was wandering in the rain
Mask of life, feelin' insane
Swift and sudden fall from grace
Sunny days seem far away
Kremlin's shadow belittlin' me
Stalin's tomb won't let me be
On and on and on it came
Wish the rain would just let me

How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside

Here abandoned in my fame
Armageddon of the brain
KGB was doggin' me
Take my name and just let me be
Then a beggar boy called my name
Happy days will drown the pain
On and on and on it came
And again, and again, and again...
Take my name and just let me be

How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel (How does it feel now)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside

How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel (How does it feel now)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside

Like stranger in Moscow
Lord have mercy
Like stranger in Moscow
Lord have mercy
We're talkin' danger
We're talkin' danger, baby
Like stranger in Moscow
We're talkin' danger
We're talkin' danger, baby
Like stranger in Moscow
I'm livin' lonely
I'm livin' lonely, baby
Stranger in Moscow

[KGB interrogator - Russian to English Translation]
"Why have you come from the West?
Confess! To steal the great achievments of
the people, the accomplishments of the workers..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stranger In Moscow - Michael Jackson.

-MXV-

I Don't Wanna Stop

The farewell party went pretty well last week, although some of my friends disappointed me badly when they stood me up & broke their promises to attend our last gathering before I leave to Moscow. You know who you are. I'm still pretty much shocked when I see the number of friends that attended; 30 of us in a VIP room in California Pizza Kitchen. That's the biggest gathering that I've organized in these 2 decades of my life.

Anyway, the actual & official departure date has been released; I'll be leaving on the 21st of September, 2 A.M.. Kinda abrupt, eh? 5 more days.. 5 more days & I'll be leaving the country for about 6 years.. Well, of course I'll be back here in KL every once a year or so, but..

The feeling, it's just different. To be away from my family, to be away from my country & friends.. To be away from my lover, especially.. Yes, I have a lover. I admitted that to my mom last night. What I was fore-telling about the consequences of telling her was lashes, espresso-style awakening shots of anger & scoldings. I did not at all expected that she'll be so calm & cool about it, asking me all sorts of questions about her. That's something new, knowing my mom's temper, attitude, mentality & personality, this is the first time she actually reacted that way. Good or bad? I don't know..

I'm already missing her right now. What should I do during the entire 6 years of my course over there? Life will definitely be boring & lonely for me, no doubt.. But what I'm hoping & wishing now is to have her love, our love, to fire & fuel me through this long ordeal. I'll work hard so that I'll be able to provide her a better future.

Or can I?

There're not many people who actually know about the story of my love-life. This relationship had been going on for many, many months, very secretively.. A few who know are close friends of mine, and of course, I will never ever reveal their names. But seriously, this whole thing went on for too long, too much unnecessary time spent on dragging & delaying it. I shall confess & admit everything very soon. Love, is simply too complicated. Perhaps after revealing my story, I'll be portrayed as an antagonist in everyone's mind. But I don't care. I know I have to take the risk. I don't wanna stop right here.

So if there are any mistakes that I've said or done, please forgive me, for I'm not perfect. Friends & family members, they last as long as i appreciate them. Forgive me for all that I've done. I seek forgiveness from my parents, relatives, friends, teachers & lecturers, & anyone that I've offended or treated harshly in the past. I'm sorry.

I'm feeling numb. I feel lost. What should I do? 5 more days.. Many things will definitely happen in these 5 days.. Important things.. Memorable things..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey there I hope everything's all right
I forgot to call you in the wintertime
Like the wave crash coming back
I've got feelings pouring down against this healing
While you try to trace which side I'm on

When the wind blows between us
High above this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop
When the waves crash beneath us
Down below this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop

Can we dance like everything's all right
Can we trade the day in for the night
Like a homesick tournament
I'm not breathing till I leave with you believing
I don't want to trace another song

When the wind blows between us
High above this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop
When the waves crash beneath us
Down below this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Don't Wanna Stop - ATB.

-MXV-

For An Angel

So.. Many of you must've heard about the latest, grandest news about me, leaving to Moscow, Russia very, very soon. Actual date not known yet, but it was earlier speculated to be either 14th, 16th or 18th. Now, the new dates has been released; it'll be either on the 21st, 23rd, or 25th. More news coming up on my date of departure will be updated here, so check back soon if you really wanna know the date & time of my flight.

Oh, I've not revealed anything about the purpose of me going there, right? Well.. This letter will explain everything..

Offer letter from RSMU (Russian State Medical University).

Yes, I'll be there to further my studies, picking up medical degree.

You see, as a student that is able to continue studying overseas, I should be happy, grateful & excited about it. But me? Not at all. There are some issues that are holding me back here, my emotions, my mentality. My feelings. My love. My family. My friends. My country. Home.

Everything will be explained & further described & evaluated in a special post, coming up very soon. First things first.

A farewell gathering is currently being organized, with a date fixed by fellow friends; they want it to be on the 12th of September, 2009 as it's a Saturday. They've already fixed the date, I'll now be fixing the place. 8 PM at Chillies' Grill & Bar, KLCC. Yes, it's a bit pricey. But hey, once in a blue moon. Give me a call or a SMS if you're coming, everyone is invited.

Updates on my car. A video will show them all. Last video of my moments, enjoying & spending quality time in my car with my state-of-art Hi-Def sound system.

I swear I cried when I was recording that video. It wasn't a well-recorded video, but it did, it filled me up with a bucket of tears & supplied me with enough water to sob the whole night. All the effort, time & care spent on the car.. The memories of my first car.. The fate of WRG 2669 is still currently unknown; it might be sold, or my parents might keep it as their second car.

For An Angel 2009 PVD Remix - Paul Van Dyk.

-MXV-

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence

18th of July.. Supposed to be my birthday, rite...?

Now.. I really don't wanna celebrate my birthday or make it grand this year, but I figured out that it might as well be quite a good chance for a small reunion for me to see all of you guys again. The offer letter have not reached my hands yet, but if it does, I'll be leaving for Russia to pursue my studies in M.D. as soon as this September.

So please, do me a favour. If you guys still consider yourselves as friends of mine, then gather yourselves & meet me at Le Meridien Hotel this Saturday, 18/07/09 at 4 P.M.. We shall plan for what to do, where to go, what to eat & all in my room. Please do send me an SMS with your name on it if you're coming, just in case I've lost your number. I shall inform all of you of my room number this Saturday, so don't worry about it. About transport, I'm sure you guys can figure it out. I've been an organiser for ages, don't trouble me on such simple matters, alrite? Car-pooling, get our friends who'll be driving to fetch you. But I shall remind you guys that the parking fees at Le Meridien is not cheap; at RM 6.00 for the first hour. LRT to KL Sentral would be a smarter choice, but the hassle of taking bus/taxi to the station, then LRT to KL Sentral might be unbearable for some of you. Choose wisely, divide & share the parking fees, that's what I reckon.

Oh, and one more thing. I suppose most of ya'll are led here via SMS. So if it's possible, please help me forward that SMS to all our friends. It doesn't matter, the more the merrier, alrite?

Now... I'd really appreciate it if you can make it to my birthday party this year.. It's been my wish all along.. You shall be the best birthday present I'll ever receive if you ever appear in front of me.. Your presence will change everything.. Everything.. The memories will be etched onto my heart.. Forever...

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence - Ryuichi Sakamoto.

Regards,

-MXV-

Numb

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I cant feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I cant feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I cant feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I cant feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Ive become so numb I cant feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Numb - Linkin Park.

-MXV-

The Remedy

I don't really have the mood to blog right now, but still.. I'll have to update my readers with news about me. Something just happened, & everything is just not right for me. I feel so empty. Yet, as I've once said, the pain of a thousand needles piercing through my heart can be well-hidden & masked by a smile on my face. Let's move on, I'm sure none of you guys would wanna listen to me whining anyway.

It was my uncle's birthday, exactly 2 weeks ago, on the 15th of June. A celebration or a small party was organized & carried out at Xenri D'Garden Terrace, a Japanese cuisine restaurant at Wisma Hap Seng. Flipped through the pages of the menu, the food there isn't cheap by any means. A set of 12 pieces of sushi for about RM 50+ - RM 60+, if I'm not mistaken.

Although the prices of food & drinks there are a bit steep, the place is, well, undescribable & unexplainable. I'll let the pictures do the talking. And oh, Xenri is opened by a not-too-far-related cousin of mine, & it's associated with Elken. Interesting.

The garden in front of the restaurant.

Main entrance.

The interior design. I love the carvings on the wall, right behind the food preparation section.

Appetizer. The first dish of the day. A small piece of tofu with scallop on it in a small bowl on a big white plate. I took a glance at this, & I was almost disappointed by the tiny size of it, but the taste definitely did not let me down. Appetizing appetizer, I must say.

Next, soup with mushroom & clam or in Cantonese, "Shiong tong la-la.". LoL. Nahh, this one tastes better than that. By a million times.

Red wine with Japanese food?? No, never. They don't go together.

Everything RAW!! Salmon, sashimi & uh.. Not sure what they call that anyway. LoL. Perfect for raw-food lover.

Oyster omelette with cheese.

One of the best of the day.

Tofu, again, but this time with shark fin.

They have a name for this, but I forgot. Anyway, it's still Teriyaki Katsu Don, named differently only because of the sauce used. As a Teriyaki Chicken Rice fan, this is probably one of the best in town that I've tried.

Noodles with half-done egg & prawn spells C-H-O-L-E-S-T-E-R-O-L.

The dessert, last of the list. Green tea pudding with red beans & strawberry. Sweet.

Of course there's something special for the birthday star of the night. A plate of tofu with bird's nest & abalone was made specially for my uncle.

Didn't get the chance to take the picture of the abalone. Too bad so sad.

The food at Xenri was good, but not really a good value for money as they were a bit overpriced. But it was truly an experience to dine there in the welcoming & warm, classy atmosphere. Recommended for Japanese food lovers who wants something out of the ordinary or fusion cuisines.

What else? My car, perhaps.

Huh? O.O

Hmm..

Yep. New headlights. Alrite that's it. We'll move on. O.O

Now, my parents just went nuts recently; they've spent around RM 11k plus on a TV & a refrigerator. A 50-inch LG plasma TV & a 4-door Sharp refrigerator. Madness. What's wrong with them? I have no idea. None at all. I've been their son of 19 years, I've never ever seen their craze for such a big TV. Never. Can't wait for the latest original Transformers 2 : Revenge of The Fallen DVD to be released, & then I'll watch it on the new TV.

Too big, simply too big for a family of three.

I have to open my eyes wide open to watch TV now.

The sheer size of it..

I suppose that's about it for today.. Hmm.. I'll update my blog some other time when I'm free, most likely after my exams, after the 10th of July. I'm back to my emo self, again. Sigh..

One of my personal favourites for the song featured today, by Jason Mraz.

The Remedy [I Won't Worry] - Jason Mraz.

-MXV-

I Wanna Be With You

First of all..

Heheh, just something that Chan made the other day when we were having breakfast at Red Island. Sweet.

Went Seremban with my bunch of friends on Friday, what a trip. Left K.L. early in the morning, reached there at 7.30 A.M.. The main purpose of that trip was to visit Kati & escort him back to K.L.. Erm, yeah, escort. Sounds weird, eh? Went for a breakfast at a mamak stall, then we drove to the beach. Yeap, Port Dickson.

Hmm.. Morning view?

Random~

Random~

Hmm..

There's this mood, this atmosphere about going to the beach early in the morning that I love about..

Trust me, they're brothers.

Petronas pipelines? Who cares.. That's Kati, Adrian & John On in the background, by the way.

As emo as it's master.

We went Malacca after that, to Jonker's Street.. Yeap, the food haven for Singaporeans. It's not surprising to see so many tourists there on a Friday. Hmm..

Don't mind me jumping between topics, here's a pic & video on Papi the puppy, just to update my blog readers on the mischevious little brat.

Hmm...

Papi the puppy playing & biting my socks.

Uhh... Rather emotional now.. Any reasons? Maybe.. Plenty of reasons, but they all lead to the same thing. What should I do? What must I do? What can I do? I don't know.. Papi, are you hearing me out...? In my life, it seems that love is the only thing that depresses & makes me emotional. I know I've said this millions of times before, but yeah, I'm tired of my life. I'm tired of being depressed. I wanna break free. I wanna feel that breeze in my face once again. Is it possible? I hope so. I think it's possible. But I don't think I will ever achieve it. Oh well..

Alrite, cut the crap. I'm getting straight to the point. You know that feeling, that familiar feeling of knowing that something is going on behind you, but yet you're forced to keep an eye shut, say nothing, act like a fool & pretend as if nothing happened? That is exactly how I feel right now.

I'm not happy.

I Wanna Be With You - Mandy Moore.

-MXV-

Love Story

A token of appreciation... From KLIA?

Was at the airport this morning. There was a power shortage at the exit of the parking lot, one of the guards there removed the metal-pole to allow motorists to exit, so I got the chance to keep this orange lil' token. Heck, if i knew there was a power shortage I won't even bother to pay at the autopay machine. RM 4.50 wouldn't do much difference to the KLIA managements.

Ya' know, there's no difference in between of the feeling of dying & the feeling of speeding at 160-180 KM/H, & feeling sleepy & falling asleep at the same time. Well at least that's what I inadvertently discovered today. I was driving home this morning, feeling sleepy because I slept at 2.30 A.M., & woke up at 4.45 A.M.. I set my foot down, was doing close to 180 KM/H & I fell asleep. See, even at that kind of speed I can fall asleep. Even the speed demon is getting tired & bored of speeding. All I wanted to do at that very moment is to get home as soon as possible & sleep my ass off. During the whole journey of coming back from the airport, I fell asleep for 4 times, and I remembered closing my eyes for more than 3 seconds in 1 of the 4 times. I know, I know. It's people like me that causes major accidents on the road..

Reached home, slept till about 5 P.M..

I'm feeling really, really lonely now.. Feeling empty..

Love Story - Rain.

-MXV-

It's Been A While

At least one of my major problems is solved for now. She decided to leave me for good. Ahh yes, I'm dumped again. I'm relieved that this whole thing is finally solved, but I'm still feeling all mixed up & fucked up about it, mainly because things didn't really go as I hope after all the effort, time & unconditional love put into this whole relationship. I'm feeling happy for her, at least she got through her own dilemma; but I'm feeling sad, angry, depressed, tensed-up, all at the same time. The memories are gonna kill me & make each & every single day of my life miserable, for I don't know how long. I'm just not that kind of perfect boyfriend material that girls would be looking for. I SUCK at being a boyfriend.

I'm just so tired of everything already. I'm tired. Life just felt so damn miserable for me. I don't know what I'll do without her, but I hope & wish that life won't be too harsh for me after this. So what that I love her? I just suck. I'm worthless.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own 2 feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

And it's been awhile
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted
And it's been awhile
Since I could say I loved myself as well
And it's been awhile
Since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do
And it's been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I've rendered
I've gone & fucked thing up again, again....

Why must I feel this way...
Just make this go away...
Just one more peaceful day

And it's been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry
And it's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste

And everything I can't remember
As fucked up as it all may seem, to be
I know its me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I said I'm sorry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you're reading this.. I'd like to apologise for everything, and I mean, everything. I'm sorry. And I love you. I do. I really do.

God knows what I'll be doing next. I'm just so disappointed with myself. Everything doesn't feel right. I ruined everything that I've gained & treasured, all with my own bare hands. I've not felt this emotional, this fucked-up in a very, very long time. If suicide is the remedy, Menara Alpha would be the medicine. There just won't be enough apologizes; in fact there's nothing that I can do to make you forgive me.

Feeling so devastated right now. I'm just hoping that time & reassurance is what I need to get me through this..

Behind all the fake smiles, a million worries lies, a thousand questions troubles me. Will I ever be the same again?

It's Been A While - Staind.

-MXV-

In The Air Tonight

The weight factor: Yes, it is depressing, and I've been trying my so darn best to shed off some weight, but no effect on the scale so far. Sigh..

The love factor: Nope, it's not solved yet.

The cash factor: Yeap, I'm still broke, especially after burning about RM300 for a pair of Lee Cooper spectacles frame & lenses.

The exam factor: So-so prepared, hopefully I can do well or just burn me in hell if I don't.

I'm so in the mood for this song right now.. By Phil Collins.. Wiki it up, and dig the urban legend behind the song & lyrics. Nice song, anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been waiting for this moment, all my life, Oh Lord
Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

Well, if you told me you were drowning
I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my friend
But I don't know if you know who I am
Well, I was there and I saw what you did
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off the grin, I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

Well I remember, I remember don't worry
How could I ever forget, it's the first time, the last time we ever met
But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, no you don't fool me
The hurt doesn't show; but the pain still grows
It's no stranger to you or me

And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord...
I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, Oh Lord...
I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord
I can feel it in the air tonight, Oh Lord, Oh Lord
And I've been waiting for this moment all my life, Oh Lord, Oh Lord..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins.

-MXV-

Ready For Love

Please.. I need you to get me through this.. I'm depressed.. I really am..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am ready for love,
Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your capitivity

I am ready for love,
All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I've been thinking maybe you're not
Ready for me,
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity
They say watch what you ask for 'cuz you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow, I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love,
Would you please lend me your ear
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half a chance
I'll prove this to you
I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respect the spirit world and thinks with his heart

I am ready for love
If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love
Here with an offering of my voice
My eyes, my soul, my mind
Tell me what is enough
To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ready For Love - India Arie.

-MXV-

Starry Eyed Surprise

Hi everybody. The hour hand of the clock is now pointing at precisely 4, yes, 4 in the morning. So good morning, it's a wake up call from the zombie-blogger. Me? Sleep? I need no sleep. Live young, die hard. Nah, just kidding. Another emotional night for me to get through, it's kinda hard without support from people that can actually understand my situation, and that's if I can even tell anyone about my situation in the first place.

So, what I did? Well... Of course, I was given the 'honor' to keep the spare keys to my dad's Innova. Oh, and by the way. My dad's Innova is like 5 months old, and it has already done 37,743 KMs, some 6000 KMs more than my car which is more than double it's age. Talking about hardcore, heavy-duty driver, my dad will be the best example. LoL.

Yeah, where did we stopped? Oh, and I was talking about the spare keys to his car.. Yeap. I was emotional, so I took the keys and sneaked out in his Innova. The engine was insanely LOUD when I first turned the key into IGNITION position, and I don't know how was it possible that all the noise didn't wake my parents up at all.

Okay, so what was the verdict? 5 months into my dad's 'new' car, and I've finally got the chance to push the car to it's limits. Oh, wait. First of all, I gotta explain the mad things that I did. So.. 150 KM/H on MRR2 (you can't actually go that fast on that Innova, because there're simply not enough power to push that 2 tons of metal), tail-gating those puny little cars on the road. Ahh, yes, it's amazing how the sheer size of the Innova can do its' magic by scaring Kancils off the road. LoL. Then, there's something that I love to do with my Myvi; tire-roll. Yeah, the smell of burning rubber.. The squeals the tires made.. And of course, the after-effect; the damage to the tires. I did it once in front of Old Town Coffee House at Prima Setapak yesterday morning, and damn that was the longest, sweetest pitch of tire squeals I've ever made & heard.

So I sped in that Innova, went sideways from corner to corner & did burnouts. Satisfaction. Truly. It's amazing what I can do with a MPV, an 8-seater with a 2-litre engine. Imagine what would happen if I've got a more powerful car with better handling than my Myvi? Illegal racing? LoL.

And I almost forgot. It was my car's birthday yesterday!! Renewed the roadtax, valid till 28th April 2010. Yeap, my 1-year-old car clocked 31k KMs. Err.. A bit too much? Maybe.

P.S: A SMS at 4:44 A.M. on April 29, 2009 killed me. No, I'm just not living my life the same way anymore. Or perhaps, you guys may just assume that I'm dead. Heh, speaking about the 'lucky' number 4 for the Chinese..

Starry Eyed Surprise, remixed & well-done by Paul Oakenfold. Had totally no idea who did the vocals, but it was fine. Just recalled that I hadn't posted any techno/trance tracks for quite some time, so here it is. Enjoy, while I get back to my misery.

-MXV-

Better Than Me

Okay.. Time for some confessions..

I think I've kept my readers waiting long enough to find out the reason why I wasn't really happy all this while. It's the darkest secret of my life that I'll finally be letting out.

For the past few months, I actually had some ups & downs in my love life. Some things that happened. Yes, I did fell in love with a girl.. Yes, we did ended up together, although it's not for long, only about 3 months.. I'll be explaining what happened, generally. I won't get too much into the details to protect the identity of the girl.

Now.. As you guys might remember, I did went missing in action for a month or two, discontinuously during January, February, March & I made my return in April or mid-April. It was caused by some love life turbulences that I was experiencing all along. So.. Yeah, I fell in love with this girl around December last year, and I confessed to her in January, early January, and things got pretty well & we ended up together in February.. Early February, actually, and it's now just a few days short of our third month anniversary..

But then.. I screwed up. I really couldn't believe that I screwed up. Not once, not twice, but many many times. I did. I screwed the fuck up. I did something wrong, something that I shouldn't be doing, and I literally lied to her about it. I don't know where did I get the courage from, to lie to her about it. I couldn't hold it back anymore & I told her the truth. And we broke up. Yet, I somehow managed to regain her trust & she came back to me.

And guess what?

I screwed up again.

I lied to her too many times, too many times that things can't actually be fixed anymore. I made her feel that my love, my feelings for her are fake. I realised the true reason why did I lied to her. I just don't wanna be vulnerable anymore. I don't wanna be emotionally-abused again to the point where I got so frantically paranoid, and I started to lie, to hide things. I was living a lie all the while, living & hiding behind a mask. I don't know what should I do.. I lied, I made lies to save the relationship.. I made lies because I really love her & don't wanna lose her.. But I guess what's happening now is the fact that my lies brought everything down. Lies.. Lies that are made supposedly to protect feelings backfired me. I knew I shouldn't have lied, cos' you'll need 10 lies to cover up 1 lie, and a hundred to cover up 10, and eventually a thousand..

( and as the song plays itself in the background, tears rolled down my cheeks... Better Than Me, by Hinder.. )

I.. A short break.. Here's the lyrics for the song today..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend that I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I broke down, emotionally, many many times when I thought about it.. I can't.. I couldn't face it. I can't believe that I lied to the person who I loved so much, so dearly.. I've been crying a lot lately, and I have nobody to listen to me about this. For the past few months, she was my hope.. My hope to keep me going on, my hope that woke me up from my previous break up..

I miss it.. I miss everything..

I miss her smiles..
I miss her kisses..
I miss her hugs..

And I single-handedly spoiled & ruined everything.. Maybe, maybe I'm not exactly the boyfriend-material that a girl would wanna find. I regretted my lies to her..

I wasted everything.. All my efforts to get nearer & nearer to her.. I feel empty now.. I felt as if.. As if I don't have anything else anymore.. Well it's the truth anyway, she's my everything. And now I've lost her. We can't even be friends anymore. I've lost her. I've lost everything. I lost my will to live..

I've lost it.

-MXV-

Broken

Shit happened. Not gonna talk about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

�Cause I�m broken when I�m open
And I don�t feel like I am strong enough
�Cause I�m broken when I�m lonesome
And I don�t feel right when you�'re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There�s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

�Cause I�m broken when I�m open
And I don�t feel like I am strong enough
�Cause I�m broken when I�m lonesome
And I don�t feel right when you�'re gone away

�Cause I�m broken when I�m open
And I don�t feel like I am strong enough
�Cause I�m broken when I�m lonesome
And I don�t feel right when you�'re gone away

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's an attached file for you, as promised. Encrypted with a password known only to the both of us, it'll be easy for you. It's something about us that you've been carrying with you, wearing all along. Something that we both have. Something that I've lost once, but recovered it shortly after.

For You.rar

-MXV-

Closure

No, no.. The title doesn't mean any blog closure or anything. Just a song that suits my mood right now, so well that I might just keep it running for quite some time.

So.. Yeah, I'm back again. It's been almost 2 months since I last blogged, and many things happened in this 'short' period of time. Some life-threatening, some heart-breaking. I shall share some with my folks, I'll keep the crispy & juicy part for later on when I feel that it's time for me to finally confess it.

Okay.. The life-threatening things that happened? Well.. Not really life-threatening, it's more like I put my own life in danger instead. On one of the nights I drove to Genting, I forgot which night was it but it was a really cool & clear night.. Nobody would expect a heavy downpour later on at the foothill. At least not me. So after spending some time there, I decided that it was about time that I should leave. Somehow on that night I was driving really slow. And I mean SLOW. Some people consider 90 KM/H in the rain as 'kinda fast', but it was the slowest I ever drove on the highway. As I've recalled, there's not a single time the needle was static at 90 KM/H for more than 5 minutes in my history of highway-cruising. It's always 120 minimum to 160 average. Maximum? 183 KM/H, so far the highest possible speed my stock engine could bring me to.

Alright, cut the story with my high-speed achievements. Nowadays I've been a very safe driver, at least I can tell you guys that my speeding days are over. As I was saying, I drove at 90 KM/H in the rain on Kesas Highway, and I was driving at the left most lane, which was actually the 'turtle-lane' for me when I was a speed devil. Upon reaching a corner, a slight turn to the left actually, I braked a little to reduce speed. As I was steering my car trying to keep it in the lane, I felt the rear-end of the car swerving to the right. By the time I realise it, my car had already made a 180 degree spin, going against the traffic flow. I was literally facing the traffic for a second or so, and it's kinda scary.. Just imagine yourself being in the middle of the highway, facing cars coming your way at probably over 100 KM/H. It was a short moment that I saw a Kancil coming towards me REALLY fast, and I lost sight of it after regaining control of my car. Well... Not really. All I heard was a crash from the right-rear of my car, and I thought I was hit by the Kancil. I managed to glance at the rearview mirror for fractions of a second, and I saw the Kancil losing control, slamming into the road divider at the right side of the road. I continued driving all the way back to Taman Melati, stopped at the roadside & got down to check my car; not a single scratch. So yeah, I'm extremely lucky that night, God was on my side. Otherwise I'd be dead by now.

Checked my tires the next morning, all 4 of them are shredded & small pieces came off them. Replaced all of them with a set of new Michelin tires, costed me about RM 980. And instantaneously I was broke. It was extreme; for the following two weeks I could barely make ends meet, having enough money only to last me for the days that I have classes.

So, second incident. I almost got robbed one night when I was at Nicole's place. We were sitting in my car, talking while she's playing with her dog with the car door on her side wide open. Then I noticed two motorcycles going up and down the road in front of her house, and I just have this bad feeling that they're up to no good. My heart was telling my left hand to release the handbrake & let the parking gear hold the car so that it will not start rolling downhill. The third time the motorcycles came, I noticed how they slowed down & got unusually close to my car. There were 4 of them, one of them leapt off the bike, opened the door on my side while holding a knife. I did what I should, I dragged the gear lever down to D & slammed the pedal to the metal. The door knocked the guy over & closed by itself, I just shouted at Nicole to close the door. I sped off, told her to call her family to lock all the doors & ensure that everything is alright before going to the nearest police station to make a report.

P.S: I kept my cool & calmness in both incident. Remember, when shit happens, panicking is not going to help.

Yeah.. Many things happened.. There are more actually, but I just don't feel like typing them all out. Something nice to share, perhaps? I went for the Shinjuku Incident thingy at Pavilion on 31st April where Jackie Chan & Daniel Wu made their appearances there. Although it was just for a short while, I was glad that I finally had the chance to see them live. Yeah, I'm a big fan of Jackie Chan, he's my childhood hero & favourite actor all the time. Daniel Wu? Of course, a talented young actor that truly caught my attention..

The stage.

The host & hostess, not to mention that the hostess actually looked like my kar jie Grace.. o.O

Jackie Chan & the heartthrob, Daniel Wu.

Photography session.

Jackie waving to the fans.



Few words from Jackie Chan on the new movie, 'Shinjuku Incident'.



Safety message from him? LoL.

Do watch the movie.. It's good, at least for me.. A lil' bit of violence here & there, but still.. 4.5 out of 5 stars..

Well.. I suppose I shall end this post here. Many thanks to those who are still loyal, checking my blog every single day for the last 2 months, hopelessly hoping that I'll update it.. I did now, and guys, I'm still alive & kickin'.. Here's the lyrics for the song today..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let's just be honest
I'm broken in two
Half of me is still here
The other half's with you

I didn't want this
Thought I did, it's true
Wish I could rewind now
I swear I thought this through

And I'm so fragile now
Be careful what you do, girl
And every word somehow
Is making me hold on to you

I don't like this time thing

What I need is closure

Remember my red tie
White business card
Brown hair and pink skies
First glance was a start

You and your colours
Tell me what they mean
To me they meant beginnings
Better yet everything

And I'm so fragile now
Be careful what you do, girl
And every word somehow
Is making me hold on to you

I don't like this time thing

What I need is closure

And I'm so fragile now
Be careful what you do, girl
And every word somehow
Is making me hold on to you

I don't like this time thing

What I need is closure

Remember my red tie.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Closure, by Nathan Morris. Not that well known, but I love this song.. Welcome back to MX-Lair, my friends..

-MXV-

痴心绝对

A re-post of 痴心绝对 [ Chi Xin Jue Dui ] by Li Sheng Jie, a post from 8/9/08. This post is made just so that my readers will know that I'm still alive. The reason I've not been blogging for the past month is well explained in this song. I'm currently working on a big chunk of post, explaining all the details that will be soon revealed when it's time. Not sure when I'll be publishing the next post, but it sure will be juicy. And for now..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

想用一杯latte把你灌醉
Xiang yong yi bei Latte ba ni guan zui

好让你能多爱我一点
Hao rang ni neng duo ai wo yi dian

暗恋的滋味你不懂这种感觉
An lian de zi wei ni bu dong zhe chong gan jue

早有人陪的你永远不会
Zao you ren pei de ni yong yuan bu hui

看见你和他在我面前
Kan jian ni he ta zai wo mian qian

证明我的爱只是愚昧
Zheng ming wo de ai zhi shi yu mei

你不懂我的那些憔悴
Ni bu dong wo de na xie qiao cui

是你永远不曾过的体会
Shi ni yong yuan bu ceng guo de ti hui

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
Wei ni fu chu na chong shang xin ni yong yuan bu liao jie

我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
Wo you he ku mian qiang zi ji ai shang ni de yi qie

你又狠狠逼退我的防备
Ni you hen hen bi tui wo de fang bei

静静关上门来默数我的泪
Jing jing guan shang men lai mo shu wo de lei

明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
Ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui

我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
Wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian

直到那一天你会发现
Zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian

真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
Zhen zhen ai ni de ren du zi shou zhe shang bei

曾经我以为我自己会后悔
Ceng jing wo yi wei wo zi ji hui hou hui

不想爱得太多痴心绝对
Bu xiang ai de tai duo chi xin jue dui

为你落第一滴泪
Wei ni luo di yi di lei

为你作任何改变
Wei ni zuo ren he gai bian

也唤不回你对我的坚决
Ye huan bu hui ni dui wo de jie jue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

痴心绝对 [ Chi Xin Jue Dui ] - Li Sheng Jie.

And oh, Happy Valentine's Day..

Till then..

-MXV-

Goodbye My Lover

Last post for this blog, I hope not. We'll see if there is a day where I'll be back to update & keep my readers entertained with my daily life, jokes, emo-ness and videos, but that most likely will only happen if I really have the will to come back to this blog. Cut it short & simple; I've failed in my love life again. I guess I had enough retrospection, I'm starting to hate myself. I'm hating the fact that I walked into the same trap again & again. I'm hurt over & over again. I'm at the lowest point of my life now, and nothing said & done could change it. I feel like a piece of paper crumpled & thrown around in a class full of students. Whenever I think of it, my heart aches, comparable to a thousand needles poking through it like a pinbag.

Here's the poem I've promised her, all written by myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stepped into my life,
You clarified & rectified it again,
Full of hope after five,
Flooded my heart with agonizing pain.

You took my hand & held it tight,
I reached your heart & thought it's right.
Your kiss felt like a dart,
Except that it missed the chart.

Gone are the days of friendship,
With the bloom of love,
Maybe we're in the same ship,
Or maybe I'm just a glove.

It's a taboo for us,
Or a boo from friends.
It's the both of you or the both of us,
Or another day full with regrets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not a good one, I know. What do you expect from a 2-minute scribble? But it does explain how I feel.

I'm apologizing to everybody I know, especially friends & family members. I might be rude & harsh at times, I might have followed my mood without concerning the feelings of others. Please do not contact me anymore, I wish to have some peace of mind. I will not answer calls or reply anymore SMSes, my PC will be shut down for as long as it take for me to regain my sanity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All the tear-shedding shall end soon. Good luck to all, see ya'll when I'm back. Sorry Nicholas, a little too late for you to ask me to link you now. I'll be gone, but I'll definitely be back. Till then, I'll live in self-exile, without contacts with the outside world.

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt.

-MXV-

Could I Have This Kiss Forever

What a memorable day, a day I will never forget for the rest of my life. Thanks for everything. This will be the 2nd last post for this blog. I'm sick & tired of my life already. I won't be updating this blog anywhere in the near future, not until I feel that it's worth updating. I'm sorry I couldn't keep the promise of 7 posts, I just have to end this earlier. I'm sorry that this blog will be soon dead before even a year. I'm sorry to all my friends for what I've done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over and over I look in your eyes
You are all I desire
You have captured me
I want to hold you
I want to be close to you
I never want to let go
I wish that this night would never end
I need to know

Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I could I have this kiss forever
Could I could I have this kiss forever, forever

Over and over I've dreamed of this night
Now you're here by my side
You are next to me
I want to hold you and touch you and taste you
And make you want no one but me
I wish that this kiss could never end
Oh baby please

Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I could I have this kiss forever
Could I could I have this kiss forever, forever

I don't want any night to go by
Without you by my side
I just want all my days
Spent being next to you
Lived for just loving you
And baby, oh by the way

Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I have this kiss forever
Could I could I have this kiss forever, forever

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Could I Have This Kiss Forever - Enrique Iglesias ft. Whitney Houston.

-MXV-