I Don't Wanna Stop

The farewell party went pretty well last week, although some of my friends disappointed me badly when they stood me up & broke their promises to attend our last gathering before I leave to Moscow. You know who you are. I'm still pretty much shocked when I see the number of friends that attended; 30 of us in a VIP room in California Pizza Kitchen. That's the biggest gathering that I've organized in these 2 decades of my life.

Anyway, the actual & official departure date has been released; I'll be leaving on the 21st of September, 2 A.M.. Kinda abrupt, eh? 5 more days.. 5 more days & I'll be leaving the country for about 6 years.. Well, of course I'll be back here in KL every once a year or so, but..

The feeling, it's just different. To be away from my family, to be away from my country & friends.. To be away from my lover, especially.. Yes, I have a lover. I admitted that to my mom last night. What I was fore-telling about the consequences of telling her was lashes, espresso-style awakening shots of anger & scoldings. I did not at all expected that she'll be so calm & cool about it, asking me all sorts of questions about her. That's something new, knowing my mom's temper, attitude, mentality & personality, this is the first time she actually reacted that way. Good or bad? I don't know..

I'm already missing her right now. What should I do during the entire 6 years of my course over there? Life will definitely be boring & lonely for me, no doubt.. But what I'm hoping & wishing now is to have her love, our love, to fire & fuel me through this long ordeal. I'll work hard so that I'll be able to provide her a better future.

Or can I?

There're not many people who actually know about the story of my love-life. This relationship had been going on for many, many months, very secretively.. A few who know are close friends of mine, and of course, I will never ever reveal their names. But seriously, this whole thing went on for too long, too much unnecessary time spent on dragging & delaying it. I shall confess & admit everything very soon. Love, is simply too complicated. Perhaps after revealing my story, I'll be portrayed as an antagonist in everyone's mind. But I don't care. I know I have to take the risk. I don't wanna stop right here.

So if there are any mistakes that I've said or done, please forgive me, for I'm not perfect. Friends & family members, they last as long as i appreciate them. Forgive me for all that I've done. I seek forgiveness from my parents, relatives, friends, teachers & lecturers, & anyone that I've offended or treated harshly in the past. I'm sorry.

I'm feeling numb. I feel lost. What should I do? 5 more days.. Many things will definitely happen in these 5 days.. Important things.. Memorable things..

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Hey there I hope everything's all right
I forgot to call you in the wintertime
Like the wave crash coming back
I've got feelings pouring down against this healing
While you try to trace which side I'm on

When the wind blows between us
High above this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop
When the waves crash beneath us
Down below this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop

Can we dance like everything's all right
Can we trade the day in for the night
Like a homesick tournament
I'm not breathing till I leave with you believing
I don't want to trace another song

When the wind blows between us
High above this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop
When the waves crash beneath us
Down below this empty feeling
I don't wanna stop
I don't wanna stop

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I Don't Wanna Stop - ATB.

-MXV-