Goodbye My Lover

Last post for this blog, I hope not. We'll see if there is a day where I'll be back to update & keep my readers entertained with my daily life, jokes, emo-ness and videos, but that most likely will only happen if I really have the will to come back to this blog. Cut it short & simple; I've failed in my love life again. I guess I had enough retrospection, I'm starting to hate myself. I'm hating the fact that I walked into the same trap again & again. I'm hurt over & over again. I'm at the lowest point of my life now, and nothing said & done could change it. I feel like a piece of paper crumpled & thrown around in a class full of students. Whenever I think of it, my heart aches, comparable to a thousand needles poking through it like a pinbag.

Here's the poem I've promised her, all written by myself.

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You stepped into my life,
You clarified & rectified it again,
Full of hope after five,
Flooded my heart with agonizing pain.

You took my hand & held it tight,
I reached your heart & thought it's right.
Your kiss felt like a dart,
Except that it missed the chart.

Gone are the days of friendship,
With the bloom of love,
Maybe we're in the same ship,
Or maybe I'm just a glove.

It's a taboo for us,
Or a boo from friends.
It's the both of you or the both of us,
Or another day full with regrets.

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Not a good one, I know. What do you expect from a 2-minute scribble? But it does explain how I feel.

I'm apologizing to everybody I know, especially friends & family members. I might be rude & harsh at times, I might have followed my mood without concerning the feelings of others. Please do not contact me anymore, I wish to have some peace of mind. I will not answer calls or reply anymore SMSes, my PC will be shut down for as long as it take for me to regain my sanity.

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Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

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All the tear-shedding shall end soon. Good luck to all, see ya'll when I'm back. Sorry Nicholas, a little too late for you to ask me to link you now. I'll be gone, but I'll definitely be back. Till then, I'll live in self-exile, without contacts with the outside world.

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt.

-MXV-

Could I Have This Kiss Forever

What a memorable day, a day I will never forget for the rest of my life. Thanks for everything. This will be the 2nd last post for this blog. I'm sick & tired of my life already. I won't be updating this blog anywhere in the near future, not until I feel that it's worth updating. I'm sorry I couldn't keep the promise of 7 posts, I just have to end this earlier. I'm sorry that this blog will be soon dead before even a year. I'm sorry to all my friends for what I've done.

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Over and over I look in your eyes
You are all I desire
You have captured me
I want to hold you
I want to be close to you
I never want to let go
I wish that this night would never end
I need to know

Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I could I have this kiss forever
Could I could I have this kiss forever, forever

Over and over I've dreamed of this night
Now you're here by my side
You are next to me
I want to hold you and touch you and taste you
And make you want no one but me
I wish that this kiss could never end
Oh baby please

Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I could I have this kiss forever
Could I could I have this kiss forever, forever

I don't want any night to go by
Without you by my side
I just want all my days
Spent being next to you
Lived for just loving you
And baby, oh by the way

Could I hold you for a lifetime
Could I look into your eyes
Could I have this night to share this night together
Could I hold you close beside me
Could I hold you for all time
Could I have this kiss forever
Could I could I have this kiss forever, forever

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Could I Have This Kiss Forever - Enrique Iglesias ft. Whitney Houston.

-MXV-

I'd Come For You

Second of the seven posts promised, but with some extra updates on what happened today, so fucking funny that I'm categorizing this under 'Jokes':

Kati came back late last night, & he wanted to send his car to P.J. for a service. Chan followed as well, so after Kati left his car at the workshop, we went around searching for food. I used the Jalan Klang Lama way as it's one of my favourite route to leave the Midvalley area. And as I turned it at a traffic light into Sri Petaling, there was a roadblock set by JPJ (or Road Transport Authority). We weren't worried as we're very sure that they are checking for those seating at the back without seatbelts, and we're all buckled up earlier. But, one of the officers still asked us to pull over to the side of the road, and another requested for my license. I'm not sure what have I done to the police & security guards in my past life that I have to be blocked every single time I see them. Anyway, it might be caused by the modifications done to my car. It was obvious that the officer first looked in to check the seatbelts, and then walked around my car to check for illegal modifications. And I'm sure I done none, those smoked headlamps are LEGAL and on the new Myvi SE, chromed door handles are LEGAL, sport rims LEGAL (are you kidding me?), no HID on my headlamps. But the officer was particularly interested in my rear lights, and he stared at it a while before telling me that it's ILLEGAL. Yeah right.. I sat in the car, & he said that he will write a RM 300 summon and revoke my license for the lights. And he kept repeating it again & again, yet I just sat there & stared right into his eyes.

"Apasal lampu belakang bukan original? Saya sekarang tulis saman dan tarik lesen kamu ya. Saya tulis saman ya. Kamu nak kena tarik lesen ke? Nak bayar saman RM 300 ke? Saya tulis saman ya?".

Yeah, that's a common tactic for them to ask for bribes. Nope, I did not back down. Those lights are legal, you can even find some pimped-out rear lights sold with a sky-high price tag at the Perodua service centre. As he knew he won't be able to write a summon based on a non-existing 'crime', he returned my driving license & asked me to replace the lights with the original ones as soon as possible, part of the drama again. And he doesn't seem to learn either, still with his, "Itu sahaja ke? Terima kasih pun tak ada?". Go screw yourself, in my heart.

We reached a restaurant at Sri Petaling shortly after that, and after I've parked my car, I went to the machine to pay the parking fees when a DBKL officer rushed up to my car & quickly wrote down the car registration number. See how ridiculous it is? Chan & Kati quickly called the officer, & he scurried away after realising that we saw what he was doing. He obviously saw me parking the car & getting down to pay & place the ticket in my car before leaving. Unless the government is going to put a ticketing machine at the side of every single parking space available, what he did was stupid. TWICE in a day...

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Just one more moment, thats all thats needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it

I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesnt matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know what just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that noone does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
You know I'd always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,
Yes i'd come for you
But only if you told me to

And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you

I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know i'll always come for you
You know i'll always come for you

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I'd Come For You - Nickelback.

-MXV-

Time Is Running Out

A series of emo posts will be coming from me, with each song & lyrics uploaded carrying different meanings for a total of 7 days. Don't check back in a week's time if you don't wanna feel my emo-ness. And perhaps, by the end of the week I shall explain why am I feeling so down, if I have the courage to do so. If, I'm still alive.

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I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
You will be the death of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
Ooooohh

You will suck the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
Ooooohh

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Time Is Running Out - Muse.

-MXV-

Kashmir

I watched Ip Man for the fifth time today!! LoL. My dad bought the DVD last week. Although the quality is disappointing, I stood at the door for almost 2 hours peeking & watching the movie for the fourth time. My dad & I, we just can't sit together in the living room watching TV. The last time we watched WWE together was 2 years ago.

I was actually about to go Pavilion alone, watch 'Lady Cop, Papa Crook', & perhaps spend the rest of the day emo-ing at T.G.I. Fridays having a few glasses of Tiger or Heineken. I was about to enter the MRR2 when Nicole called & told me that she wanted to join me. Uhh.. Okay, fine then.. She wanted to watch Ip Man after all the positive reviews, recommendations & persuasions by me. We went on to catch the 2:55 P.M. show, and reached Pavilion just in time at 2:50 P.M. to get the tickets. Luckily there were seats available, or else we would be there like idiots doing nothing.

I saw my dad's car at Jalan Ayer Panas while I was on the way to Pavilion, with Nicole sitting beside me. Now that's a bad thing. The last time my dad saw me with cheL' in the car, he already went all sarcastic, saying things like, "Wah, don't know when will I see my daughter-in-law hah?". I'm not sure what he'll say this time, deep in my heart I'm hoping that he was too busy looking at the saggy aunty across the road, not noticing that I stopped right there IN FRONT OF HIM at the traffic light. Jeez.

Okay, so here's something from Led Zeppelin. Malcolm has been bugging me since last year to upload one, and I'm doing this for his sake, to satisfy his orgasmic needs. xD Just kidding, Mal. Kashmir, by Led Zeppelin.

-MXV-

Bintang Di Surga

I had this overwhelming blast of desire to listen to Indonesian songs, not sure why. I went through my vast collection of songs and found some by Peter Pan, an Indonesian artist famous for Mungkin Nanti & Ada Apa Denganmu. I got addicted to his voice, and I ain't kidding. The lyrics of his songs are also very meaningful, good for emo-heads like me. They sorta engulf me in a mood & gives me this very emotional state of mind.. Ahh, just listen to this song & try to understand the lyrics. Mind you that this is an Indonesian song, so the spelling of the words might be a little different.

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Masih ku merasa angkuh
Terbang kenanganku jauh
Langit kan menangkapku
Walau kan terjatuh

Dan bila semua tercipta
Hanya untukku merasakan
Semua yang tercipta
Hampa hidup terasa

Lelah tatapku mencari
Arti untukku membagi
Menemani langkahku
Namun tak berarti

Dan bila semua tercipta
Tanpa harus ku merasakan
Cinta yang tersisa
Hampa hidup terasa

Bagai bintang di surga
Dan seluruh warna
Dan kasih yang setia
Dan cahaya nyata

Oh bintang di surga
Berikan cerita
Dan kasih yang setia
Dan cahaya nyata

Lelah tatapku mencari
Arti untukku membagi
Menemani langkahku
Namun tak berarti

Dan bila semua tercipta
Tanpa harus ku merasakan
Cinta yang tersisa
Hampa hidup terasa

Bagai bintang di surga
Dan seluruh warna
Dan kasih yang setia
Dan cahaya nyata

Oh bintang di surga
Berikan cerita
Dan kasih yang setia
Dan cahaya nyata

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Beautiful... Urgh.. I'm soooo crazy about this song right now.. Cheers.

Bintang Di Surga - Peter Pan.

-MXV-

Map Of The Problematique

Happy New Year, peeps!! Ahh.. 2009, hopefully we'll be able to squeeze out every single drop of the best out of this juicy new year. Hopefully? Let's make it HAPPEN!! Haha.. New year, new resolutions, right? With new resolutions, I chose to leave the past behind & move on with life. Time to make life meaningful.

Hmm.. Anyone here seen this picture before?

It's supposed to be a wedding invitation, but.. Hahahah.. Imagine having in-laws like that. Damn.
I'm not gonna start a new year with an emo song!!

Map Of The Problematique - Muse.

-MXV-