Disappointment

Weird title, huh?

For the past 3 years or so, most, if not all of my posts were titled according to the songs in my playlist above. But nah, not this time..

Now, yes.. Disappointment. The word pretty much spoke for itself, no?

1. Came back from Russia, unexpected reasons. Don't ask what, don't ask why. Continuing my studies here, but switched course altogether from Medical Degree to Bachelor in Psychology.

2. Got a part-time job at Kumon as a tutor. It never occurred to me that this very day will ever come where I'll end up teaching Mathematics to secondary school students.

3. A new friend that I made at my new university apparently blocked & deleted me from Facebook, also stopped talking to me. Oh how nice, how hurtful that could be. What have I done, man?

4. A new car, Proton Persona Elegance. (Not sure for how long I'd be owning this car this time.)

5. Bunch of bullshits that happened over the course of 8 months since I'm back till now. (Yes, I've been in Malaysia for almost a year, just don't ask why I never took my time to update this blog.)

6. Moved houses 3 times since I came back till now.

7. Series of bad luck hitting me for the past 2 months, maybe earlier than that. I don't remember, I'm just feeling too miserable to remember when it all started.

More to list, but just can't do it right now. Gotta sleep. Working at 9 AM tomorrow. My next post? Probably after my exams (16th of July) or after my birthday. Things are still gonna be this miserable, I promise.

Don't Stop The Party - Black Eyed Peas.

-MX-

Like A G6

Well.. I don't actually know what to post here anymore.. Updates on my life? Very, very stressed out recently due to some life-changing decisions that I have to make.. Not sure which path should I take.. Anyway.. For those who are still following my blog loyally, I thank you.. Thanks to all, for your concern.. I'm fine, & blog will be updated pretty soon again.. Chill, enjoy the music..

Like A G6 - Far East Movement feat. The Cataracs & Dev.

-MX-

Big Sky

It feels like I'm wasting my life away... Slowly.. Very slowly..

I can't get all the motivation I need to start studying...

John O'Callaghan feat Audrey Gallagher - Big Sky (Acoustic Mix).

-MX-

Grounds For Divorce

For the past few days I can't seem to focus on anything else except for one question; how much does a friendship worth? Is it still a wise move to do all your best to keep a friend who might not appreciate what you've done? Maybe, but then you have to start questioning yourself as well; in this age & time, would everything still be worthy? I hate the answer to this, but let's face it. Friendship now doesn't hold the same meaning as it once did a decade ago or so.

Why am I saying this? Just look around you. Observe the people around you. What are they doing? Gossips, bad-mouthing, backstabbing.. You name it. All the sort of shits they're willing to do to make themselves look good & noble. And guess what? They are your friends, too. These infidels.. They deserve no better treatment than being torched & burned alive. Even Hell is too good for them.

Many times I find myself stumbling over the same situation over & over again; is he/she worth forgiving? Will he/she repeat his/her mistakes again? Well then, I just got my perfect solid answer lately. Forgiveness shouldn't be given more than once. Why? Let me explain.

Think. In a situation where you've just got backstabbed by a friend, what would you do? Maybe you'll confront this friend. Or maybe you might do the same back to him/her. But let's say you made the smarter decision & you chose to confront him/her, which indirectly portrayed the fact that you knew about him/her backstabbing you. What would this person do? Seek for forgiveness? Maybe. And let's say he's forgiven. Let's say you really don't wanna lose this friend of yours. How can you possibly tell that he/she won't do it again?

At this point, it all comes down to your trust. How much do you trust him/her in the first place to forgive him? And if you do trust this person a lot, then what would you do when he did it again? Do you still forgive him? I saw myself forgiving someone twice, but then this person wanted to prove me wrong. Twice, my friend, is more than enough to erase all my hopes & trust on you. You've been a good friend, but that's as far and as much as you can go and as you are. I'm truly disappointed.

I've learned this lesson the hard way. It also somehow affected the way I appreciate my friends. Some friends are worth being treated better than others, some are not. You managed to camouflage yourself within the people I trust. And this is the end of it. You know what they say about backstabbers like this; they put on a front that appears accommodating, loyal, and yes, even sacrificial. Then, without warning, they raise their knife, and by the time you see the glint of the blade, it's almost always too late. It is a little too late. Too late for you to repent. And because there is a larger awareness that transcends time and space, an awareness is available after death.

Be careful. Re-evaluate the points that you are looking for in a friend, and sort them out. Keep what you need, get rid of those you don't. It is difficult, but it can be done. In all likelihood, backstabbers are quite pleasant and supportive on the surface. But that's a mask. Remember, that friendship is not capable of ending, for if it ends it is only because it never existed.

And oh, of course. Never ever try to become a hypocrite by attacking other people personally if you wish to protect yourself. It's a waste of time, and you're dragging yourself down to their filthy level.

And I thought I could trust you.

Pathetic.

Elbow - Grounds For Divorce.

-MX-

Always

Currently trying to save as much as I can, & to be honest I've not been withdrawing any cash for a month plus or so. Why? Simple. To save for a cheapo 2nd hand car when I'm back in Malaysia for holidays.

I can't remember the last time I brought a bottle of water to class from home. I don't even do that in secondary school. Well, maybe I did... In Secondary 1 or 2? Saving & squeezing every single last рубль that I can find in my wallet & my room to last me till the end of next month. It's hard, I know, but I have to suffer. So.. Yeah. A hard practice for a shopaholic like me. Bought a 500 руб shirt from Zara 3 weeks ago, regretted it ever since. Why? I love that shirt very much, but if I were to save that 500 руб I could've used it to pay for 1 week worth of groceries.

Hang on in there, MX... Just a month plus more..

Bon Jovi - Always.

-MX-

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

Right now.. At this very moment.. I wish you're by my side..


Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing.

-MX-

Maestro

I've never once failed tearing whenever I watch Ip Man. Call me a strong Chinese, but the storyline really managed to touch my heart deep down under, a place where no other movies or stories could possibly reach. It must have been the umpteenth time that I watched the first Ip Man, but it never fails to amuse me & give me the same sense of pride, amour-propre. The dignity, the gratification of being a Chinese.

Looking forward to watch Ip Man 2, most probably when I return to Malaysia for summer holidays. I hope it packs the same kind of punch & awe as it's prequel. Definitely a movie that should not be missed by my fellow Chinese friends.

Kenji Kawai - Maestro.

-MX-